Soyer's Culinary Campaign: Being Historical Reminiscences of the Late War.: With The Plain Art of Cookery for Military and Civil Institutions

were pithy and violent, though scarcely heard through the din, excepting by those who happened to be seated close to them. We were fortunately about the centre of the table, and all we could catch was-- “‘Oh, you stupid old man! why did you not lock the dogs upstairs, as I told you to do?’ “‘Be quiet, madam!’ replied Mr. Ude. ‘This is my birthday, and I will have no quarrelling.’ “‘No more will I; but why did you not lock up your dogs?’ “‘Well, madam, I am sure they were quiet enough till that stupid young man trod upon poor Vermilion’s paw.’ “‘Stupid young man, did you say? Mr. Ude, pray how dare you insult my relation? If any one is stupid here, it is you, Mr. Ude!’ “‘Will you be quiet, madam?’--‘No, I shall not!’ “‘What, not on my birthday! There, take that.’ “As he said this, he threw some almonds across the table, and his wife replied with some projectiles snatched up at random from other portions of the dessert. The dogs joined in the fray, and entirely upset the party. All the ladies left the table. The young man who had been bitten attempted to apologize; in return for which concession on his part, the great Louis Eustache and his amiable spouse returned a volley of abuse. An hour elapsed before anything like order could be established, when several ladies returned to the table, while a few remained to console the victimized spouse. The great Mr. Ude had bravely retained his important position, and, still violently excited, commenced helping the fish--a magnificent crimped Gloucester salmon, procured at Groves’s in Bond-street--which was by this time as cold as ice. “‘Only fancy,’ ejaculated the enraged Amphitryon, ‘even on my birthday! Upon my word, she is a wretch! She never will--‘ Then, by way of parenthesis, to the waiter, ‘Go round with the sauce, you stupid! don’t stand there staring like a fool.’--‘Prosper! no, I’m sure she never, never will prosper!’ “At length something like harmony was restored; but only six ladies out of eleven returned; the others remained